


I'm Just A Soul Whose Intentions Are Good

by SpiderButler



Series: Angels Fall Without You There [2]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-29
Updated: 2015-11-29
Packaged: 2018-05-04 00:08:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5312279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpiderButler/pseuds/SpiderButler
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Killian Jones will fight for Emma Swan</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm Just A Soul Whose Intentions Are Good

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Please Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood by Nina Simone
> 
> Again if you would like to see this from another character's POV (it can be pretty much anyone) let me know in the comments :)
> 
> (The works in this series cross over, but each one contains its own scenes as well)

Killian hears it. Of course he hears it, nothing gets passed the… a Dark One, everyone knows that. But he can’t discern the source of the noise- the lack of shoes suggests animal, but the hesitancy suggests human. For a brief moment he thinks _Emma_ , and his heart soars and his stomach plummets (his thoughts turn deadly at the word alone and he wants to hurt her and love her all at once). But Emma would not arrive like this. He knows Emma consumed by darkness, she would simply appear wherever she wanted. He ignores the part of him, the small ember flickering in his dark heart, that reminds him that everything Emma did was to eradicate the darkness, from both of them. 

There’s a scratching on the deck above him, something light, small, being placed on the wood. There’s a pause, silence for a moment, and then the footsteps sound again, fading away a moment later. Killian remains seated at the table, listening for what could be a minute or an hour- time hasn’t stretched on like this since Neverland. But the footsteps don’t come again, and eventually curiosity wins out. He stands, leaving Excalibur lying on the table in front of him, and climbs up to the deck. 

He almost steps on the items left on the treshold of the Captain’s quarters, noticing them at the last moment. Bending, he crouches down to observe them. He picks up the rose first, twirling it between his thumb and forefinger. Memories wash over him, of a field full of the flowers. He sees kisses and tears, life and death, and he pulls himself out of it, wrenching his eyes open when he remembers the image of Emma holding the sword above his body, the dark and light parts of him screaming, warring inside him. He picks up the ring next, dangling the chain from one finger. He observes it as the rings twists a little, swaying from left to right, until it finally settles. He holds it there for a while, just staring at it, and then, in one swift movement, he loops it over his head, letting it rest on his chest, where it had hung for centuries. His eyes survey the docks, not expecting to see her anywhere, but still wondering if she would wait, would be watching him. There’s a possible flash of white at the corner of a building, and it’s enough to pull him up, both the Dark One and his own urges pushing him towards it, for quite opposite reasons. 

He walks to the edge of the building, but he loses the trail, the white nowhere to be seen. He takes himself to her house, walking up the steps to hammer at the door, but he’d known on arrival that she wasn’t there. A flash of pink catches his eye, and he looks down to see more roses, a pair, that have appeared at his feet. He frowns at that, and closes his eyes, focusing on the image of a rose, searching for it. He’s taken to the graveyard, where he finds two more, resting on graves with a shoelace and a necklace. He doesn’t need to read the names, but he does so anyway, words he’s seen many times when Emma has needed to clutch at his hand as she lays flowers at each. He focuses on the rose again, and finds himself in the middle of the main road, with another at his feet. He looks to his left and sees one on a table outside Granny’s, and another pair outside the pawnshop. 

He knows now where he will find the others, but he continues to look. He finds the one lying on the wall bordering the sea, and the three outside the mayor’s house, and at the Royal’s apartment. He can see the image of another three in his mind, one at the base of the beanstalk, and another in the jungle in Neverland, and another on a park bench in New York. He focuses on the image again, expecting not to find another- he is positive the Swan is leaving him a trail in one of her foolish ( _heroic_ , a small voice echoes) attempts to pull him out of the darkness. But he is confused when he opens his eyes and finds himself in yet another location. 

The sound of a motorbike’s engine fading away enters his ears and he looks around to find the carpenter’s workshop. Another rose is lying on the table in the centre, standing out amongst the sawdust. Killian has never been here, and this destroys the theory that all the flowers are for him- Regina’s house had confused him, but he has been there before, and he had thought it must have held some significance to Emma, but this new discovery changes things. It doesn’t take his newly-enhanced mind long to make the connection- three at the Charming’s apartment, three who live there. Another three at the mayor’s house for Henry, the Queen, and the Thief. The two outside her house confuse him, but he remembers that, in her mind, it was a house for the three of them. Killian stopped believing that when Swan betrayed him (saved him). 

But _why?_ It’s a question that Killian’s hyper-intelligent brain simply cannot answer. Why is Emma Swan leaving roses for the people she loved ( _loves_ , the voice corrects again, and the small, light part of Killian smiles)? Dark Ones don’t apologise, and he understands- the darkness calls for them to wreak havoc and cause pain, and never once feel remorse. So it won’t be in apology. The riddle the Dark Swan presents him is the most confusing yet. She has done terrible things, she turned someone to _stone,_ simply for _annoying_ her, she broke Henry’s heart, she filled another soul with darkness, but these things, although awful, have all been to save the people she loved. Even as the worst villain Storybrooke has ever faced, she is also the Saviour. She is, essentially, fighting herself. 

Killian knows that the Swan will answer anything he asks, and so he closes his eyes, and imagines her face. He opens his eyes to see a red leather jacket flying past his face, and cars and a motorbike are screeching along the road at top speed behind him, following it. He turns to see what they are aiming towards- he is after all, looking for the Swan- and sees something which makes every inch of him scream. The darkness roars with triumph and the lightness cries for him to move. 

Emma Swan is stood on the very border of the town, a dagger engraved with her name pressed to her ribs. She doesn’t react to the sounds of engines and rubber against road, perfectly still. Petals surround her, and she looks so ethereal, her pale skin and ashen hair the same as her dress, that Killian thinks he must be looking at an angel. 

“Swan.” The word falls from his mouth before he can think, the pure panic of seeing the woman so close to death pushing the balance, suppressing the darkness. But it rears its head again, and he can’t open his mouth, can’t speak. 

Her eyes snap open at the sound of his voice, and she turns, her gaze falling on him. It holds, but she doesn’t say anything, waiting for him to speak again. The real Killian inside him fights desperately to get out, but he can’t, and so he just stares back. The cars scream to a stop around him, the jacket falling at her feet, and Emma’s eyes fall to it belatedly, as if she has only just noticed it. Killian still does not move as the people in the vehicles reveal themselves- her parents, her son, Regina and Robin, August and Belle and the Crocodile. Killian pushes the darkness down, wrestles with the urge to attack at the sight of the man, but his panic is still enough to force him to focus solely on Emma. He’s surprised at the lack of shock of the people around him at seeing him there- surely by now they know what he is, he knows Zelena restored everyone’s memories in some attempt to punish Emma. 

“Emma.” The word comes from his right, and he and Emma both turn to see her mother speak. “Please.” 

“This is not the way forward.” Her father speaks, and Killian just _knows_ that this is not helping, even though he can hear the pain in every syllable of their words. 

“There _is_ no other way forward.” Emma’s voice has returned to the lost girl Killian met so long ago. “I have fulfilled the fate I was always going to have. We always knew the Saviour didn’t get a happy ending- every time it got close, it was ripped away again.” 

Her eyes fall from them to Henry, and come to rest on Killian again. Her ‘happy endings’. 

“Emma,” it’s Regina now. “I felt the same- every time it looked like I’d reached it, it was gone in a heartbeat. But look at me now. I have a son and I have Robin and a real family.” 

“Because I gave it to you!” Emma’s voice is quiet but desperate. “All of you, I gave you _all_ your happy endings! _I_ broke the curse, _I_ found Robin, _I even made Gold a hero!_ ” She has turned to face them now, and the dagger hangs at her side, so Killian relents a little, and in turn his control over the darkness begins to slip a little. He clings to it- if he lets it win now, he could wreak havoc that light Killian could never live with. “This is me dealing with the problem. I’m being the Saviour, one last time.” Emma says, lifting the dagger again. 

“Mom,” Henry says. It makes Emma’s hand twitch, and it stills midway to Emma’s ribs. “We don’t know what will happen.” 

“I know, kid,” the real Emma shines through for a moment. “But I have to try. Gold and Killian will understand. The darkness, it changes the way you see the world, it changes what you think is right. I can’t save this town, not properly, until I remove the problem.” 

Gold opens his mouth to speak, but Emma cuts him off. “You do understand though- you thought what you were doing was right, and yet you lost Belle, lost the entire town for it.” The man closes his mouth again. He can’t contradict her. 

Emma’s hand begins to move again, and Killian tenses, ready for the struggle inside that he will gladly bare to save Emma, when August steps forward. “Emma.” Her eyes move to him, and Killian can see the wilderness in them. “You really have gone far. I thought you’d made a big change when you were trying to find the author, but look at you now. The woman who wouldn’t believe is barely even a distant memory.” His tone is light and Killian applauds him for his calm appearance- Emma needs it, like a scared animal. The woman smiles a little, but it lacks the light it used to hold. “You didn’t bring me my happy ending- in fact I almost took away yours, and you weren’t even old enough to remember it. I found my happy ending on my own, returned to my father even though he couldn’t remember me, helped- or at least tried to help- you to believe. Now, you are the Saviour. _And_ ,” he continues, as Emma opens her mouth to speak, “you remain to be, even with this curse. So, I won’t try to stop you, but I will try to appeal to you as the Saviour. We know, that when a person stabs the Dark One with the dagger, the darkness is transferred to them. Now, if the Dark One stabs _themselves_ , the darkness has nowhere to go. It will flood out of you, and then it will attack. You became the Dark One to save everyone else from it. Are you really going to subject them to it again?” Emma shows no sign of speaking, but her hand has dropped to her side again. “This woman here,” he motions to Belle, “is proof that the Dark One can find love.” 

Belle steps forward, her steps careful, but she comes to stand next to August. “It wasn’t easy, Emma.” She says. “But, I believed in him, I believed he could love me enough, and so I loved him too.” 

“But he couldn’t!” Emma’s voice is still desperate, and her clutch on the dagger is hard, her knuckles pushed against her translucent skin. “He hurt you, he chose power over you, and you were the only person he loved. I have so many people I could hurt, so many I _have_.” 

This time it is Gold who steps forward, and Killian’s fist clenches at his side, but he keeps the homicidal tendencies at bay. “That is true, Miss Swan. However, you have proven, time and time again, that you possess a much greater amount of strength than I. And I didn’t have a cause as strong as you.” His eyes flicker to Killian for a moment. 

Killian wonders how it’s possible that the four people who are supposed to be her strongest support system, have crumbled in a way that the other three did not. Her parents, her son and her lover (light Killian thinks forcefully) all remain silent, and Regina and Robin don’t offer anything either, watching the situation play out. 

It is this thought, of the people Emma so often protects, saves, unable to do anything for her, that pushes the darkness all the way down. He doesn’t know how long he’s got, so he steps forward. “Swan.” Her eyes are wide with shock and fear as he addresses her. “If you do this, there are two options. First, you leave this town without a Saviour, without someone who will truly sacrifice themselves for the good of everyone in this town,” Killian refuses to see Regina as the Saviour, refuses to let her replace the pure light that is his Emma. “The second option, you do that, and the darkness escapes you without a vessel to go to. Where do you think it will go?” Killian gestures to himself. “It will go to the darkest soul it can find, and what’s darker than a Dark One.” 

“I still believe that you are strong enough to fight it, Killian.” The look in Emma’s eyes never falters. “You will be able to conquer it, with or without me.” 

“There is absolutely no proof of that.” Killian raises one eyebrow at her foolishness (the darkness is trying to creep up again and Killian is running out of time). “You’ve shown you want to be good. You’ve shown just how far you’re willing to go to do that. You’ve proved yourself, so why shouldn’t your family love you.”

“It will be difficult.” Regina says from behind him. “I know how difficult it is to gain forgiveness. You have done things that were… not good. But, we’re all willing to try.” 

“We all _want_ to try.” David says, and Killian cannot fight the darkness any longer, so he lets them speak. 

“We love you.” Her mother says, and Emma’s eyes gloss over. 

“Please, Emma,” August is speaking again, and he takes careful steps towards her. “Give me the dagger.” Killian is amazed as he easily removes it from the weak grip she holds on it, amazed at how easily she lets it go. “Walk with me.” She complies, following him closer to the group like a lost puppy, seemingly unable to do anything else. “Let’s go home.” He says and Emma freezes at the word. “To the loft.” He adds, firmly and Emma’s eyes are full of fear when they look to her parents. Killian’s heart aches for the woman, so different to the one he knows, and he pushes against the darkness seeping into his mind again. Her parents’ smiles are nervous but real, and they nod. Emma shoulders relax the tiniest amount, and she follows August again. When she passes Henry, he takes her hand like a small child, and she looks at him with surprise, but he looks steadfastly ahead, as if it is the most natural thing in the world, and a tiny smile creeps at the corner of Emma’s lips, one that looks almost nostalgic.

Killian knows that the darkness will attack soon enough, and is sure he will lose again, but he has been able to control it so far, has kept it at bay, and so he allows himself to walk beside her. He doesn’t take her hand, doesn’t touch her, but they are close enough that he can feel her warmth, and that is enough. He hears the sigh of relief from Emma and feels it echo within his soul. This is more important than his anger and his hurt. In this moment, he is who he was, the new Killian Jones, and she is the selfless Emma Swan, and they will play this game for as long as Killian can. 

They make it all the way to her parent’s apartment, and Killian doesn’t break. But he disappears, back to the Jolly Roger before they make it through the door. 

* * *

Later the darkness does attack, and he goes deep into the forest and sets some trees on fire. But the memory of Emma Swan gives him strength. He’s seen darkness vanquished, and he’s fought it, and for now, that is enough.


End file.
